Addicted to Him Read online

  “Do you want me inside of you?” Seth asks, his eyes full of desire. I lick my lips and nod, knowing it’s crazy but not caring. He reaches out and grabs my arm from around him and takes in my naked ring finger. He does not approve.

  “If I go down there and tell my dad I’m getting married on the same day he found out he’s having another baby, it’ll end him,” I defend myself, knowing full well that I wouldn’t have told him even if the baby didn’t exist.

  Seth seems to consider this and brings my hand to his lips. “I suppose you’re right but I want to see you wearing that ring. None of this,” he says, moving my hand to his erection, “until you do.”

  I hear the garage door go up again and know that Dad and Lisa are going to be busy talking for quite a while so we’ll be safe. It’s time to show Seth that he isn’t the only one with some power in this relationship. I roll out from under him and off the bed. I tiptoe across the room and quietly push in the lock on my doorknob.

  I hate how much the thought of getting caught turns me on but I can’t help it. I’ve had so many different emotions rushing through me today that this is the only one I want to focus on right now. I know what I want and I’m going to get it.

  “Where are you going?” Seth asks, rolling on his back.

  I turn back toward him, without a word, and strip off my T-shirt and bra.

  “It doesn’t matter what you do, you aren’t getting any dick until I see that ring on your finger,” he says, teasing, but I know he’s serious. Little does he know that he wasn’t the only one planning a surprise for tonight. I decided to shave off all my pubic hair to surprise him and I can’t wait to see his reaction.

  My phone chimes and I pick it up to see a text from Dad. Going for a long walk. I hear the front door shut not long after.

  “My parents are gone. Does that change your mind?” I ask innocently, unbuttoning my shorts.

  “Nope, not unless you run downstairs and get that ring on,” he answers stubbornly.

  I think about giving in but then I remember everything he’s put me through today and I want him but I also want him to know that I’m in control sometimes too.

  “I don’t think I can wait, Seth. I’m so much more sensitive down there now,” I tease, letting my shorts fall to the ground.

  “What do you mean, now?” He licks his lips nervously, glancing furtively at my panties.

  “Wouldn’t you like to know?” I slide my fingers under the sides of my panties and pull them down slowly. “I wanted to surprise you.” I slip my panties down so he can see what I’ve done for him.

  His eyes practically bug out of his head and his hardness swells immediately. “Oh my God, Cassidy.”

  “But I guess you don’t want me,” I say, yanking my panties back up.

  He’s off the bed and tackling me before I even realize what is happening. He tears my panties off me and forces my legs apart, plunging his tongue into my depths bringing me the most intense pleasure I’ve ever felt before. He brings me to the edge then pulls his tongue out of me, unzips his shorts, and thrusts into me with a sweet urgency. I’m back to the edge after just a few thrusts, begging him not to stop.

  My entire body spasms as I come for him. I breathlessly call his name over and over enjoying every last ripple of my orgasm but also realizing that I was kidding myself to think that I’ll ever have any control in this relationship. I belong to him forever.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “So I guess everybody knows?” Lisa asks, setting a platter of stuffed green peppers on the table. She made Seth’s favorite and we are having a late dinner just so that he can join us after work. I think she was pretty mortified when she found out Dad thought the test belonged to me and is trying to make up for it.

  Seth gets very interested in his silverware and napkin like he would rather be anywhere else.

  “I’m so happy for you both,” I shriek, jumping up to hug Lisa. She gives me a big squeeze and a kiss on the cheek.

  “That must have been a pretty horrible scene when your father thought the test was yours,” she says, adding a laugh.

  “Worst moment of my life,” Seth pipes up, winking at me.

  “It was definitely my biggest parenting fail,” Dad says with a chuckle. I break out of Lisa’s grip and rush into Dad’s arms.

  “You’re a great dad. This baby is so lucky,” I say, burying my face into his chest. I can’t believe it took me almost all summer to be affectionate toward him. I just couldn’t help it. My feelings for my father and the Phil stuff are woven together so intricately because of the fatherly stuff that I’ve been confused. But my dad is nothing like Phil. He’s always loved me and tried to do what is best for me. He would never hurt me the way Phil has. I can’t help myself, I start sobbing uncontrollably.

  “Cassidy, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” Dad asks, holding me tightly against him.

  “She doesn’t want to go back to Missouri,” Seth blurts out, pulling me back to reality.

  “Nothing’s wrong, I’m just really happy for you guys,” I lie, pulling out of Dad’s embrace. I throw Seth a warning look.

  “I’m not going to shut up. I love you and I don’t want you going back there,” he says, looking stubborn and sorry all at the same time. That’s when I realize that I’m not going to be able to stop him.

  “Shut up, Seth,” I shout.

  “Her mother treats her like a piece of garbage,” Seth says.

  “I know she can be cruel, Cassidy. But she’s your mother, she loves you,” Dad says. “She realizes you’re growing up and she’s probably afraid of losing you.”

  “I want you to live with us,” Lisa says, then looks at her feet like she’s ashamed.

  Nobody says anything. Lisa’s words dance around in my head, making me euphoric. She loves me and she wants me to stay. This feeling is so amazing that I don’t think I’ll ever forget it.

  “Cassidy’s life is in Missouri, Lisa. We’ve talked about this. I don’t want her to feel pressured,” Dad says, making reality crash back all around me.

  He doesn’t want me to stay. He had the perfect opportunity to add to Lisa’s heartfelt comment and he didn’t.

  “Dad’s right. My life is in Missouri. This has been great and everything but you guys have a baby coming and the last thing you need is me here.”

  “Martin, tell her you want her here. Tell her you love her more than anything in the whole world. Tell her that you will never love this new baby more than you love her,” Lisa says, grabbing Dad’s arm.

  Tears stream down my face because the things she just said are things that I’ve been dreaming of my father saying to me my whole life.

  “She knows all of that stuff,” Dad rebuffs.

  “No, Martin. She doesn’t.”

  I glance at Seth, who is shredding his napkin with his knife and fork. I can tell that a dark battle is being waged inside him right now. I can only hope that it ends in my favor. I try to get him to look at me but he won’t.

  “Cassidy, you know I love you, right?” Dad asks.

  I nod silently.

  “You are always going to be my little girl, no matter how old you get. I never wanted to pressure you to move out here because I know your friends and life are in Missouri. But now that I’ve had you to myself all summer, I don’t ever want to give you back. I want you to stay here with us forever, Cassidy.”

  I close my eyes and let his words rain down on me. I’ve waited my whole life to hear those proclamations. It would be so easy to tell them I want to stay and live happily ever after. But I can’t leave Wade to fend for himself. Besides, deep down I’ve never believed that I deserve to be happy.

  I open my eyes to Seth’s intense glare. He knows what I’m going to say before I even say it.

  “Dad, I—” I start to say but Seth interrupts me.

  “Her stepfather molests her,” he blurts out, destroying my carefully built world with just four words.

  Lisa’s gasp fills the room. I feel dizzy t
hen see nothing but the floor rushing toward me at an alarming rate.

  ****

  “I’m sorry, Cassidy. I had to. I couldn’t lose you,” Seth proclaims, rubbing my hair.

  “Give her some space,” Lisa demands, pulling Seth away from me.

  Slowly, I come around and realize that I’m lying on the velvet couch in the front entrance. The three of them are surrounding me, glancing worriedly down at me. Lisa’s face is stained with tears. Dad’s face is so pale under his summer tan that he looks sick. Seth can’t hide the happiness he is feeling, knowing that they’ll never send me back now. I’m furious with him. I’m starting to realize that he’ll stop at nothing to get his way.

  “Seth, I want you to leave,” I say, my voice sounding like I’ve got gravel in my throat.

  “I love you, Cassidy. I was just trying to help,” he pleads.

  “Just go,” I say, sitting up with Dad’s help.

  “I’m sure she’ll call you later, son. I appreciate that you care about her but I think she needs some time.”

  Seth makes his way slowly to the front door, obviously hoping I’ll change my mind. I breathe a sigh of relief as he steps over the threshold and closes the door. I love him desperately but I can’t believe he betrayed me like this.

  “Let’s get you up to your room,” Lisa offers, helping me off the couch. I gladly accept, hoping that maybe they’ll give me some time to somehow craft a lie to cover up the horrible truth that Seth just revealed to them. Who am I kidding? There isn’t a lie big enough to cover this mess up.

  Dad hangs back as Lisa helps me up the stairs and into my bedroom. She shuts the door gently then opens my top drawer to find me a pair of pajamas. I let her help me undress and slide into the soft pajamas. She pulls back my comforter and sheets and I climb inside. She curls up next to me on top of the blankets and spoons me. I wonder if this is what it would have been like to have someone take care of me when I was sick. The most Chastity ever did was get me a bag of cough drops. The love radiating off Lisa hits me like a fist in the stomach.

  I’m sure by Seth’s comment that she thinks the worst. When she finds out everything she might not even think it’s that big of a deal. Part of me has always thought maybe I overreacted even though Seth seemed to have the same reaction that I did.

  “It’s not like he’s been raping me or anything,” I admit.

  She doesn’t pull away and scream horrible names at me like I thought she would. She doesn’t say anything as she digests my comment but tightens her arms around me.

  “But something has happened with Phil, hasn’t it? Don’t bother lying because until tonight you wouldn’t touch your father. I saw you look like you were going to puke every time you even thought he might come close to touching you.”

  This is it. My moment of truth. I thought I would be nervous but instead I just feel relief that I don’t have to act anymore. I’m so tired of trying to act like everything is normal. I’m a good enough liar that I could make her believe nothing is going on, or I could act psycho like I wanted it to happen. But I love Lisa. I don’t want to lie to her anymore.

  “It started about two years ago. At first it was just hugs that lasted too long and lingering stares. Then it got worse, he tried desperately to get me alone and suggested we do stuff,” I admit, embarrassed. “But he never actually abused me.”

  “Cassidy, roll over,” Lisa insists.

  I flop onto my other side to meet her horrified expression.

  “He may not have actually had sex with you, but you need to understand that what he did was abuse. You looked up to him as a father and he betrayed that trust. He made you feel unsafe in your own home. He messed with your head.”

  I nod, tears running down my face.

  “You didn’t deserve this. You’re a good person,” she continues.

  I wish I could believe her but after years of Chastity’s brainwashing there is still a small part of me that thinks I asked for this, maybe even wanted it, even though I know in my heart that isn’t true.

  “Repeat to me what I just said.”

  “I’m a good person and I didn’t deserve this,” I repeat, not really letting the words sink in.

  “Say it all,” she urges.

  “He abused me,” I obey. Something I didn’t realize was trapped inside of me this whole time gets released when I admit to myself that Phil abused me. He was my parent and he took advantage of me. I’ve always told myself that it could have been much worse than it was and never allowed myself to grieve over the damage that it did do. He was my stand-in father for nine years when he started this. Everything I had ever known was shattered the first time he put his hands on me in an un-pure way. “I loved him more than I loved her.”

  “I know you did, sweetie. I know,” Lisa comforts me, brushing my hair out of my eyes.

  “After he touched me that way and said that he wanted to do more, I thought it was my fault. I thought I had done something wrong.”

  Until Seth came along I was afraid to have any sexual feelings because I was sure it was a sign that I had led Phil on. Poor Ethan hung on for two years while I battled internally, trying to find the courage to love him but knowing he could do better. It took Seth to make me realize that I was worth more than Chastity and Phil had brainwashed me to think I was.

  “You can’t ever live with them again.”

  “I know,” I admit, exhausted. I will miss Wade more than words but I won’t let Chastity poison him against me. “She will never speak to me again when she finds out.”

  “I can’t imagine how hard it is going to be, but you have to tell her yourself, Cassidy.”

  “She’ll never want to see me again.”

  Lisa doesn’t disagree with me, which I appreciate, because we both know that she would be lying.

  “I’m going to miss Wade so much though.”

  “I know you probably don’t want to think about any of this stuff right now but you need to remember that you are eighteen years old and the courts will grant you visitation of your brother if your mother won’t allow it. But something tells me that she isn’t going to want your revelation to go public so I think she will willingly part with him to make visits to see you.”

  I perk up at the thought of Wade being allowed into my new life. He was the only reason I stayed in that terrible situation for so long.

  “Your mother is used to having power over people, Cassidy. She doesn’t have any power over you anymore.”

  She’s right. Chastity has always tried to use Wade to control me anytime she felt I floated a little too far out of her reach. But once she finds out about Phil, her entire world is going to be flipped upside down, especially when I threaten to take her to court if she tries to keep me away from Wade.

  This has been the most insane day of my life starting with Seth smacking me and terrifying me half to death. Followed up by a marriage proposal, a new baby, the orgasm of a lifetime, and now all my dirty secrets aired for the entire world to see. I’m sick at the thought of confronting Chastity, but there is a glimmer of hopefulness flickering inside me for the first time in my entire life.

  ****

  I slink downstairs in the middle of the night to retrieve my ring box. I slip the exquisite ring on my finger and instantly feel happier. I tiptoe back to my room and curl up under the covers. The light on my cell phone is blinking and I realize that I slept through a text from Seth.

  I will always do what it takes to keep you safe, no matter what.

  Not exactly the apology I was expecting but I guess maybe he doesn’t really owe me one. If the situation were reversed, and I knew he was going to do something to hurt himself, I would betray him, too.

  I know you love me, I type back and send off. For the first time I realize I didn’t just think the words but that I actually believe them. There is no doubt in my mind that Seth loves me. I smile in the dark as I realize that Chastity’s voice is barely a whisper in my head anymore. I’m getting stronger and soon she won�
��t be anything but a distant memory.

  I drift to sleep and dream of being on a beach with Dad, Lisa, Seth, and my new baby sister.

  ****

  I hear the garage door go up then a few seconds later go down. I’m glad that my parents went to work today and didn’t play hooky to babysit me. I need some time to digest everything that happened yesterday. I’m still so exhausted from all the crying I did that I’m just about to drift back to sleep when I hear the front door being opened and gently closed and someone quietly padding up the stairs. Either I’m about to be murdered or Seth is coming to see if he is forgiven.

  I keep my eyes closed as I feel him staring at me. I hear him slip his shoes off, then his shorts, and shirt. I hate that I immediately get turned on at the thought of his rock hard body so close to me. I feel him pull the sheets back and slide into bed with me.

  He puts his arm around my middle and I’m sure that he is going to seduce me, as if it takes much seduction, but he doesn’t. He just buries his face into my neck and holds me. He slides his hand down to mine and his fingers stop when they feel my ring. He sighs with relief and squeezes me tighter. I drift off to sleep knowing that I’ve never been more loved than I am at this moment.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Today is the day I’ve been dreading. I’m supposed to be on a plane heading home but instead I have to call Chastity and tell her that I’m not coming home and why. I’ve already thrown up twice just thinking about saying the words out loud to her. Even though I think she is already suspicious of Phil, she’ll never admit it. I know, as sure as I sit here, that this is the last day of my mother’s life that she will have a daughter.

  “Morning, Cass,” Lisa says brightly, trying her hardest to act normal. I watch her pack a nutritious lunch for herself and her growing baby and wish for the thousandth time that she was my biological mother.