Addicted to Him Read online

  “Do you think something’s happened to her? Like sexually?” Lisa asks.

  I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. It’s so loud that it practically drowns out their voices. They are getting entirely too close to the truth. I can’t let this happen.

  “Maybe she had a bad experience with a boy or something. It couldn’t be anything with Phil. He’s just a good old boy and he isn’t capable of anything like that,” Dad answers.

  I feel like I just got hit by a giant wave and I fight to come up for air. I always knew that no one would ever believe me but to hear those words out of my own father’s mouth knocks the wind right out of me.

  I ease myself up off the carpet quietly and text Chastity that her money will be coming as scheduled. Of course there is no return text thanking me. Dad is right, I’m nothing more to her then a paycheck. She’ll wash her hands of me when the child support stops, which will probably be a blessing, but it’s still hard to accept that the one person who is supposed to love you unconditionally is the only person who wishes you were never born. I just want this night to be over.

  I crawl into bed, replaying the moment that I saw Seth walk through the restaurant door. I grab my phone and pull up the Facebook app and type Seth’s full name into the search function. His profile pops up and I click on it. His gorgeous green eyes stare back at me doing a number on my stomach. It isn’t the creeped out feeling I usually get about guys in general but more of a warning like Seth could be dangerous in another way. I push away the weird feeling knowing I owe it to myself to know if Seth could cure me.

  ****

  Dad and Lisa are both back to work the next day so I’m stuck here trying to waste away the day while I wait for my date with Seth.

  I realize I haven’t talked to Whit since I’ve been here so I get myself comfortable on the deck and dial her number. Normally I would just text but I have so much to tell her that I don’t want to bother typing it all. I let it ring five times but she doesn’t answer, which is strange because her phone is like another limb to her. She is probably enjoying her pool so I text her to call me and start flipping through some magazines to pass the time.

  The more time that passes without Whit calling back I realize that I’m glad she didn’t answer. I was prepared to spill everything about Seth. Not like there is a whole lot to say except how intense and gorgeous he is. But Whit has always been super protective of Ethan and she might not take it well if she thinks that I’ve already replaced him so soon. I decide not to mention Seth when she calls back. Maybe I’ll tell her in a few weeks. Then again, if Seth decides I’m a freak, there might not be anything to tell.

  I pick my phone back up and pull up the Facebook app. I haven’t bothered to check it since I’ve been here, but I’m curious about how Ethan is doing. I hope he isn’t sitting around pining for me all summer. He deserves better than that, I strung him along far too long.

  I tap on the friend’s icon and start typing in Ethan’s name. He doesn’t come up as a friend. That’s strange. I use the general search function and type in his name again. His profile comes up and I select into it only to find that we are no longer friends and his wall is blocked. I never would have thought that Ethan would react so immaturely to our break-up, but I guess I can’t blame him. I’ll have to rely on Whit’s recon to let me know how he’s doing.

  Day fades into dusk and I enjoy a laid back dinner with Dad and Lisa knowing that I only have two more hours to burn before I go out with Seth. Lisa looks so much better today and is wolfing down seconds of dinner so it seems like her bug has finally passed.

  “I know I told you that Seth asked me out tonight, but is it okay if I go?” I ask, it just dawning on me that I should probably ask permission instead of just assuming they don’t care. At home, the less Chastity sees of me, the better, so I’m used to not asking permission.

  “Sweetie, you’re eighteen. You don’t have to ask permission to have a life. We’ll make sure to give you your own house key in case we are asleep when you come home,” Dad says, practically jumping out of his chair with excitement.

  “Dad, it’s just a friend thing,” I explain, not wanting to get his hopes up.

  “Honestly, Martin. I’m starting to think you have a man crush on this kid,” Lisa teases, scooping more macaroni salad onto her plate.

  After helping Lisa clean up dinner, I bolt upstairs to get ready. I take my time trying very hard to make it look like I’m not trying too hard. I pick a cute pair of black shorts and a hot pink top with matching sandals that Lisa bought me.

  I wear my hair up tonight because I know there will probably be tons of bugs out. I dab on some lip gloss and swipe on some mascara. I got some color in my cheeks from being on the deck so I really don’t need any other makeup.

  I hear Seth pull up in the driveway. I grab my phone and bolt downstairs. Dad hands me a key on my way out and tells me to stay out as long as I want. I don’t know if I should be honored or offended. I bolt down the driveway to Seth’s Mustang.

  “There’s a slight problem,” Seth says, disappointment clouding his face. I realize that he didn’t have my phone number to cancel on me so he had to come all the way here to do it in person. I’m so humiliated I could die.

  “Don’t worry about it. Sorry you had to come all the way here,” I say, turning to bolt back into the house before my humiliation shows all over my face.

  “So the twins are a deal breaker?” he asks, gesturing into the back seat. I bend down and see his adorable brother and sister staring back at me. “My mom had something to do tonight so I didn’t have a choice. I thought maybe we could go mini-golfing. But if you aren’t good with it, no big deal.”

  “I thought you were canceling on me. I’d love to go golfing with the twins.” This is actually perfect. The twins will be an excellent buffer. I’ll get to spend time with Seth without worrying about any of the touchy-feely stuff.

  Seth, looking overjoyed, runs around to the passenger side and opens my door for me. I smile and thank him, sliding into the buttery leather interior.

  “Buckle up,” he tells me as he slides back into the driver’s seat. I reach back to grab the seat belt but there’s nothing there.

  He laughs at me and lunges across me, surprising me. “This car is old school, girl.” He grabs a lap belt from one side of me and forces it into a snap on the other side. The weight of him leaning across my legs and the smell of him is intoxicating. I can’t believe that I don’t shudder at his touch. Honestly, I kind of like it. I look out my window to avoid betraying myself.

  Seth doesn’t seem fazed by being so close to me and moves easily back over to his side, snaps his belt and rolls down the driveway.

  “Henry, Ava, what do you say to Cassidy?” Seth prompts the twins.

  “Good evening, Cassidy. You look lovely,” Henry says sweetly.

  “I’m glad to see that you’re wearing girl clothes tonight,” Ava adds.

  I cover a snicker with my hand. Seth doesn’t look amused. “No Tom & Jerry for a week,” he says.

  The noise emanating from the backseat tells me this punishment must be serious.

  “I’m sorry, Cassidy. Your new hair looks very pretty. You don’t look dead anymore,” she says, trying to redeem herself.

  Seth slams his fist on the steering wheel, frustrated. I reach over, intending to cover his hand to let him know her boldness doesn’t bother me, but my fingers have a mind of their own and they end up lacing themselves into his. Realizing what I’ve done, I jerk away immediately.

  “Someday you’ll be glad that she speaks her mind. She’ll never let anyone take advantage of her and that’s a good thing,” I tell him, ignoring the remnants of electricity running down my arm from our touch.

  “I guess I never thought about it that way. I just worry that she’ll offend people, especially people who are important to me.” He sneaks a glance at me but I stay staring straight ahead.

  We are quiet the rest of the way to the mini-golf course, the tw
ins playing a game on their Kindle in the backseat. Seth parks his car as far away from anyone else as he possibly can and the four of us make our way through the chain link fenced-off golf course to the counter to get our balls and clubs. I offer money to pay for my own game but Seth just brushes me off.

  The twins aren’t really interested in a hardcore-fight-to-the-death game of mini-golf. They are perfectly happy just running around to all the different holes dropping their balls in without using their clubs at all. Seth and I hang back watching them have fun.

  “I hope they are always innocent like this,” Seth says, his voice filled with melancholy.

  “It must be hard since your dad left,” I add, hoping I’m not overstepping.

  “I figured your parents told you.” He smacks his ball and it flies right underneath a spinning windmill and into the hole but Seth ignores his victory of a hole in one.

  “They didn’t really know what happened,” I explain.

  Seth sighs and jams the score sheet and tiny pencil in his pocket. “He ran off with one of our employees. She was only nineteen. He just turned his back on twenty years of marriage for a piece of ass. He’s never called once since he left and that was nine months ago.”

  “So you had to take over for him at the restaurant?”

  “Yep, it was supposed to be my senior year. I was planning to go to The Art Institute this fall but everything changed when he walked out that door.” He kicks a bench absentmindedly, obviously still mourning the loss of his future. “I got my G.E.D. and went full-time at the restaurant.”

  I thought G.E.D.’s were just for teen moms and people too stupid to graduate from a real high school. I feel like a real ass for having that prejudice now that I see now much it pains Seth to admit this fact.

  “Can’t your mom hire somebody while you go to school?”

  “She doesn’t trust people, and besides, she could never handle the business and the twins.”

  The twins are busy running off a group of people at a Titanic-themed hole. Seth and I laugh, but I know he must be exhausted dealing with them all of the time. I feel even closer to him knowing that we have a common issue of caring for our siblings.

  “Wow, I’m a total buzz kill,” he jokes. “Tell me about you. You’re so mysterious, Cassidy Lawson. I want to know everything about you.”

  I smack a mosquito that just touched down on my arm leaving a smear of blood on my palm. “Gross,” I say, holding my hand up.

  Seth reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a white cotton handkerchief. I didn’t think it was possible to be any crazier about him but knowing that he is always prepared to take care of his brother and sister drives me over the edge.

  “It hasn’t been used today, I swear,” he says, handing it out to me. I almost take it from him but then stop.

  “Will you do it for me?” I ask, holding up my palm for him to wipe off. I’m afraid of how I will react when he touches me but I know I have to find out sooner or later. If I’m just going to freak out like I do with everyone else then there is no point to string him along all summer, but something tells me I’m going to react differently with Seth.

  He gently takes my hand and wipes it clean then holds it for a second, watching me. He looks at me with fire shooting from his bright green eyes and I know that I’m not the only one feeling the electricity. He gently drops my hand and I feel cold.

  “You were getting ready to tell me something about yourself before I start thinking you’re in the witness protection program,” he jokes, making me wonder if what I thought we just exchanged actually happened or if it was only in my head.

  “I hate talking about myself,” I admit.

  “Okay, fair enough. But will you at least answer some questions?”

  I hesitate, not wanting to divulge too much to a near stranger, but not trusting myself to hold out against those amazing green eyes. “You can try me but I might plead the fifth,” I joke, kind of.

  “What’s your favorite condiment?”

  I start cracking up, relieved that he didn’t ask me some life-altering question that I would have been forced to lie about.

  “Definitely Miracle Whip. I could eat it on everything. How about you?”

  “Mustard. I love it on everything. Who’s your favorite band?”

  I think about the selection on my iPod right now and answer without hesitation, “The Avett Brothers.”

  “Love them,” he agrees and I know I’ll never listen to them again without thinking of this moment.

  “My turn,” I say. “What’s your favorite movie?”

  “Anything with Bruce Lee or Chuck Norris,” he confesses laughing. “Those guys are bad ass.”

  “You know Bruce Lee is dead, right?”

  He clutches his chest in pain then buries his face in his hands and starts fake crying.

  Ava rushes up and crawls into Seth’s lap and pulls his hands away from his face. “Why are you crying? What did she do to you?” she asks, throwing me an evil glare. Henry stands off to the side with his head down examining the tops of his shoes.

  “I’m sorry I scared you, bug. I was just playing. Nothing’s wrong,” he says, hugging her tight. My heart twists in my chest at the endearing gesture and it simultaneously makes me miss Wade.

  “How about some shaved ice?” Seth asks, clearly trying to distract the kids.

  Ava never takes her eyes off of Seth, even after he orders her a large tiger’s blood shaved ice. Her eyes darts to me every once in a while, clearly distrustful of anyone new around her brother. I can’t say as I blame her after losing her father to someone that she probably knew and maybe even liked.

  Seth takes Henry to the bathroom and forces Ava to stay with me. I know I should probably just leave it alone but seeing how much self-inflicted pain Ava is in, I can’t help but recognize a kindred spirit.

  “Nobody will ever be able to take your brother away from you, Ava.”

  She regards me wearily her bright red tongue darting out to take another bite. “Duh, I know that,” she smarts off, crunching her ice.

  “Okay, good. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a brother love a sister so much, but I’m sure you already knew that.”

  She nods but I can tell that everything I just said sank in because her eyes fill with tears.

  “I hate to cut this short but we’ve had a bit of a bathroom emergency and I need to get them home,” Seth says.

  “God, Henry, you’re such a baby,” Ava shouts, and poor Henry looks like he wants to duck under the table.

  “If you must know, Ava,” Seth shouts back. “The emergency was mine. Sometimes I still pee my pants. Are you happy now?” he says, then winks at me. Henry perks up immediately and surprisingly Ava seems to believe him and falls all over herself with remorse. We all pile back into the car and head home.

  “I had fun tonight, guys. Thanks for inviting me,” I say, as I climb out of the car.

  “I didn’t invite you,” Ava reminds me.

  “I guess Paige will be sleeping with Henry tonight,” Seth threatens. I realize that Paige must be the doll that Ava is clutching for dear life.

  “You wouldn’t. Henry wets the bed. Paige won’t tolerate such filth,” Ava counters.

  “Hand me the doll and tell Cassidy that you’re sorry.”

  She reluctantly hands her doll to the front seat where Seth sweetly buckles her into the seat with the seat belt. “I’m sorry I was a smart mouth, Cassidy.”

  “That’s okay, Ava. I’m glad we got to spend more time together.” She rolls her eyes and turns her head. “Bye, Henry,” I say, then look back to see he is crashed out in the backseat.

  “He can’t hang,” Seth says with a laugh. “Can I see you again tomorrow?”

  His question catches me off-guard. I had fun tonight but I really pegged Seth as the type to move on after two dates and not so much as a kiss.

  “I’m busy tomorrow,” I lie, instantly hating myself.

  The disappointment on his face is
so genuine that it nearly cripples me. But I know in the end I’m doing him a favor. I’m never going to be the kind of girl that a guy like him deserves. His little sister hates me and it is upsetting her that he wants to be with me. None of that is worth a summer fling. He throws the car in park, tells Ava to sit still, and comes around the car toward me. I sidestep him, and walk toward the porch, making sure we are out of Ava’s earshot.

  “Did I do something?” he asks, his eyes on fire.

  “No, not at all. I have a lot of fun with you. But I don’t like that Ava is getting so upset. She’s been through a lot the last few months and it isn’t fair to put her through this.”

  “What about me? Haven’t I been through a lot? Don’t I deserve to be happy?” he says, getting visibly upset.

  “Of course. Trust me, I’m doing you a favor. I’ve got so much baggage it isn’t even funny. You don’t need that,” I say, knowing I’m trying to do a good thing but hating myself at the same time.

  “Why don’t you let me decide what I need,” he says, getting so close to me that I can feel his breath. Neither of us touches the other, but I can feel the heat coming off him, and I know that if he leaned down and kissed me I wouldn’t pull away. “Will you see me tomorrow?”

  I’m tempted to tell him that I would see him every day for the rest of my life but that would be admitting that this guy has some kind of dangerous hold over me and I’m not about to admit that to him or myself. I nod numbly and watch him run back to his car and drive away.

  Chapter Seven

  After spending most of the next day torturing myself with playbacks of last night’s date, I try to distract myself by calling Whit. It isn’t like her not to text me back. Her phone just rolls to voice mail. I decide to leave a message on her Facebook wall, realizing she probably lost her phone again. I type out a quick message and post it to her wall. I can’t believe how bad she is blowing me off then I realize that she must have met someone. Whit never really got the memo about sisters before misters. I laugh to myself hoping that this one works out for her because her track record with guys isn’t so hot.